Reflect: (verb) to think, ponder, or meditate

“So, basically, you’re standing at the thin moment of the present and looking both at the past and the future, marvelling at the magnitude of both,” I said to Camille as we sipped our drinks outside of a café that Kendall picked out. Yesterday the weather was beautiful. Very un-New Zealandy. Camille, an art history major, just finished her art show this last weekend, which is what her whole internship built up to. She looked exhausted, as well she should have been after a week of early mornings and late nights.

With only ten days left until most of us fly out, reflection seems to be the norm.

So, what is in the past nine weeks or so?

I’ve been here. Away from the States. Up to my ears in policy research. Travelling around the country on buses, planes, trains, automobiles, and boats. Sitting at the occasional café for lunch, or restaurant for dinner. Living in a penthouse (never thought I’d write that, and I likely will never again). Going to a thriving church. Laughing, sighing, thinking, learning.

In many ways, the novelty of living abroad belongs to Belgium. I find myself missing Europe. I had a late night conversation with Camille about different countries (she’s quite the world traveller herself). We both agreed that when it comes to places, sometimes there’s some kind of a deep feeling, rather than words, that we associate with those places. The feeling around Belgium is different than the feeling around New Zealand. But how can I put such a thing into words? I don’t even know what I’m trying to communicate in that. New Zealand feels rugged. Simple. I like it. Belgium felt worn, but enduring. I also liked it.

It’s funny. There are moments when I realize where I am and what I’m doing. Sometimes it comes on the bus ride to and from work, when I look over the bay and see the hills around Wellington rise up out of the sea. Other times, it’s when I’m watching New Zealand television with my flatmates and I realize how odd the commercials are at times. But most of the time, it’s amazing that my mind and body have just adapted to being here. It’s routine.

I have also been operating in “temporary” mode. What do I mean by that? I haven’t opened myself much, I don’t think. I haven’t thought that “this is real,” only, “this will fade.” I have been a fly on the wall – not a part, but an observer. I know that I was tossed up, and that gravity will soon bring me back down. Part of me is sad. But I don’t know what I could have done differently.

The past that was.

The future that is to be?

I have a day and a half left of work this week, three days next week. Tonight, I go to my last church small group gathering. I have enjoyed it, but at the same time don’t really feel like we have gone deep as a group. But perhaps that’s because I’ve been operating in temporary mode.

This weekend, I hope to go on another walk. Over this last weekend, Amanda, Nicole, and I walked about fourteen miles along the coast. I want to do the same thing, only along the other side of the harbour, out to the sea. It probably won’t be the same length, but the same spirit. I’ll go to my last Sunday service at Arise. I’ll probably set up a Skype date with my parents and with Jesse.

Next week, I’ll finish up at work. On Wednesday, there is talk about going out to lunch as an office, as it will be my last day. I’m spoiled by the people in my life, I really am. On Thursday, I’ll likely pack up my gear, get things sorted out at home. Thursday evening and all day Friday, I’m excited to say that I signed up to be a part of a huge conference going on with my church here. It’s entitled “Awaken the Dawn,” and there will be speakers from around the world. I was hesitant to sign up for it, but knew I needed to do it. I’m expecting some great things to happen there!

Friday night, I plan on staying up. All night. I want to exhaust myself so that I’ll sleep on the plane from Auckland to LA on Saturday. Plus, I want to squeeze every last ounce of Wellington out before I leave it. I really have loved living in this city. It’s just right, it really is. Even if I am a girl who wears brown in a city that dons nothing but black.

I’m sitting next to Kendall on the plane. We got that figured out yesterday. I’m so excited! She’s been a great friend on this trip!

On the sixteenth, I’ll both be moving back to campus (less than forty eight hours after getting home…bummer), attending Jesse’s graduation ceremony, and then the next day will start Resident Assistant training. School will start – my last year at SVSU. I’m excited for it! I’m excited to see Nikki and Cortnie, excited to be an RA again. Excited for the Roberts Fellowship program to get underway! Excited to be in classes again. Excited for fall and all that that entails – colour changes, hopefully a bonfire or two, Billy’s football games, at least one trip to Virginia for Thanksgiving. Fall.

There are good things on the horizons of the past and the future. And all I am is one small person, caught in the whirlwind of time, slightly dazed, but always thrilled.